Sirius Black and the Accidental Hogwarts Stampede
by RainyDaysAndGoodBooks
Summary: In which James needs a favor, Lily lends a helping hand (or two), and there may or may not be a baby acromantula in the castle. Sirius Black has never been so terrified. Unfortunately, the madness has just began.


**Prompt: Write a NON-ROMANTIC story about JAMES AND LILY**

 **Optional Prompts: (word) control, (word) radiant, (creature) Acromantula**

The wind whipped across the grounds, rocking the pumpkins back and forth as though they were cradles. In a suspiciously pumpkin-like manner, James Potter also began rocking back and forth like a cradle.

"Lily," he said. "Since we are _such_ very good friends, now, and we're the only heads in the school, and you are such a kind, generous, person, would you—could you—possibly do me a favor?"

The girl in question looked up from the mound of papers she was clutching and slowly narrowed her eyes. True, James had improved greatly in terms of responsibility and "Ownership of One's Actions," but he was still very much a marauder. Much like her need for good grades, it was simply something that had been a part of him for so long that it was far too late to remove.

"Possibly," she said. It was still a little odd having James Potter as a friend. She had hated him for so long, and he had liked her for so many years that friendship had seemed impossible. Yet, here they were in the Gryffindor common room.

"Excellent!" James said.

Lily very much hoped he hadn't taken her 'possibly' for a 'yes.'

"What exactly do you need, James?" she asked, scoping out just what she might have to do.

"So you know Caleb Cornation?" James was still rocking back and forth.

"Yes," Lily said. Caleb Cornation was a turban-wearing, creature-obsessed, danger-seeking Gryffindor. As far as she knew, he and James got along just fine. They were both on the Quidditch team, both highly enjoyed baiting Professor Luddon, and both loved treacle tart with an overzealous type of passion. Ahh, treacle tart. Perhaps that was what it was about. "Did he eat all of the treacle tart?" she asked.

"What? No," James shook his head. "It's just . . . You do know I'm Quidditch captain, right?"

"Funnily enough, I do," she replied. When James had come back to Hogwarts after having been made Gryffindor Quidditch captain he had run up and down the halls, shrieking in excitement. His voice was so shrill that all the first years had been too terrified to even leave their dorms for the next two weeks.

"Well . . ." James hesitated. "You know Caleb's a fifth year, right?" Lily nodded. "Well, he has to do OWLS this year, and he's thinking about quitting the team! He's the best Beater I've got, and I don't want to have to train a whole new Beater to work with the team."

"You want me to talk him into staying on the team," Lily said dubiously.

"No! No, of course not. No offense, of course. Just . . ." he trailed off.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Well, what did you want then?"

"Caleb loves creatures, you know."

"I do," Lily said, wondering if he wanted her to go traipsing around the Forbidden Forest.

"So, I may have gotten him a small, very tiny—practically minuscule, really—creature."

"What type?" Lily asked, her eyes snapping to meet James' as her lips grew steadily thinner.

"An acromantula," James muttered softly, looking anywhere but at Lily.

"An acromantula?" Lily repeated in disbelief. "You are Head Boy. You also have a brain. You shouldn't have even looked at one!"

"But... ah... here's the thing I need your help with." James gulped. "It may have... ah... escaped."

Sirius Black was having a wonderful day. He had only needed to use three different hair gels that day, there had been chocolate croissants a breakfast, and he was on his way to prank a very deserving Slytherin by the name of Goyle.

Humming to himself slightly, he waltzed down the corridor, winked at a passing Ravenclaw who blushed and giggled, and ran smack dab into Professor Slad.

That was exactly the point where his day began to head downhill—rapidly.

Professor Slad was the far too gorgeous and much too oblivious Divination teacher, so, of course, James and Sirius tried to make fun of her as often as they could. Luckily, she had never caught on, and even luckier, for Sirius, she had once happened to run into Sirius on a particularly good hair day and had complimented his hair. Well, Sirius thought, who wouldn't.

There were much worse teachers Sirius could have run into.

Professor Slad gave a little gasp, stumbled back, and then launched into a prophecy. There were only two occasions that Professor Slad had ever given a prophecy; the first time was on her littlest sister's 23rd birthday, and the second time was happening at this very moment.

"A curse," she gasped, as though she were underwater. Sirius gasped too.

 _"A curse will sweep through the air,_

 _Banishing looks and burning hair._

 _The curse will start at half past one._

 _A fearsome spider signals it's begun."_

Then the Divination teacher seemed to come back to herself. "I'm so sorry, Mr. . ."

"You can call me Sirius." Sirius smirked irresistibly.

"Yes, well I apologize, Mr. Sirius. I suppose I wasn't looking where I was going," Professor Slad repeated, looking truly sorry. Then she straightened her sky blue robes, gave Sirius one last nod, and departed.

Sirius wasn't quite sure how to feel about the prophecy. Remus always said Divination was a load of Hippogriff dung, and Sirius had always wholeheartedly agreed until now . . . And it was exactly 1:28 pm . . .

 _Don't be a slimy snake, Black_ , he told himself, and no longer humming, he continued on his way.

Approximately two minutes later, Sirius turned into a secret passage (he wasn't about to go prancing about in the open for all to see how voluminous and flammable his hair really looked), ducked through the doorway, and spotted an incredibly hairy, extremely enormous, and entirely terrifying spider.

Sirius most definitely did not give a little shriek. He also didn't jump up so high he hit his head on the passageway. _You are a Gryffindor_ , he told himself, _it's just a —very large— spider. You don't even believe in prophecies._

Sirius looked menacingly at the spider. He looked at his watch. He looked back at the spider, which bared its teeth menacingly. He looked down at his watch again. And then he ran.

Lily and James hadn't seen so much as an ant, and they were starting to get quite a bit frustrated.

"How have we still not found an acromantula that is roaming through Hogwarts?" Lily cried in exasperation

James shrugged distractedly.

"Do you think it would head to the Astronomy tower?" he said. "I mean, it is pretty high up."

"Why would a spider care how high up it was?" Lily looked as James as though he was very stupid.

"I don't know—they spin webs and stuff?" James crossed his arms defensively.

Lily sighed and ran her hands through her long scarlet locks. "I suppose it can't hurt to look," she conceded, and they set off toward the tower.

They walked through 9 hallways, past 7 classrooms, and so close to the very secret passage that Sirius Black had just evacuated that they almost brushed past the hairy leg of a certain spider, but somehow, they didn't find so much as a house moth.

Meanwhile, Sirius was still running. He needed to find Dumbledore, and he needed to find Dumbledore quick. Sirius Black was a noble Gryffindor, too, though, and he wasn't just going to save his own skin. He was going to spread the word loud and clear.

The first people he passed were huddled in a group, talking softly.

"Run!" Sirius cried. "There's a giant spider, and—" He didn't have to go any further. At the word spider, one of the group members had grabbed his arm and yanked him along as they all began running pell mell down the corridors.

"Spider!"

"Very, very big spider."

"A curse that will ruin good looks!"

They yelled as they sprinted past, and people followed, more and more until it looked suspiciously like a stampede.

"Where are we going?" panted a wide-eyed, pale faced Hufflepuff.

"To Dumbledore!" Sirius said, and then the crowd echoed him.

"TO DUMBLEDORE!"

And the crowd sprinted onward.

Lily and James were the teensiest tinyiest bit concerned. All they had done was open the door at the end of the corridor. Just that. But at the very moment the polished wood creaked open, a roar of sound rushed around them like a whirling tide pool.

The sound grew louder and louder until they could make out a faint procession of people, deafening and out of control, as they marched down the corridor.

At the very front was Sirius Black. His eyes were wide and pale and sheens of sweat ran down his tanned face so that it shone radiantly.

If it had been anyone else, Lily would have backed away in disgust, but as it was _Sirius Black_ , she only stared for a moment before turning, bewildered, to James, but James was just as confused as she was.

"Sirius, mate, what's the matter?" he called.

"Spider, giant spider," Sirius gasped, and his cry was echoed by the crowd.

"Where?" Lily and James cried in unison, hardly believing their luck.

"Where Peter broke his toenail," Sirius breathed cryptically, but somehow, James seemed to understand.

"Come on," he said to Lily, and they left Sirius standing in the middle of the corridor with an army of students circling around him like sharks.

The corridor was just as empty as it had been when they left except for one small detail. Somebody, possibly someone belonging to a certain stampede had dropped their butterbeer all over the corridor floor and it had coated the stones so slickly that neither James nor Lily could see it.

"Check—the—window," Lily panted.

James adjusted his shirt hastily and hurried to the window, and that was when it happened: for James had been so preoccupied with fixing his appearance that he hadn't even noticed the large puddle of butterbeer coating the floor.

With a large "omph," he hit the slate grey stones, hard. For a moment, he lay there breathing in the scent of butterbeer and trying not to feel the sharp pain in his left hip. And then, he screamed.

"What?" Lily shouted, a hint of panic seeping into her voice.

"The spider," James whispered, and he pointed toward the ceiling.

On their way back down to the common room, with the baby acromantula bundled safely in a jar, they met Remus, who seemed to have missed the excitement entirely.

"Hey, Remus," James said, reaching up unconsciously to scratch the back of his head. "Would you mind getting Sirius to stop sprinting around the castle while about forty people trail behind him, screaming?"

Remus rolled his eyes, but he set off anyway (although neither James nor Lily noticed that he was still headed directly for the library).

"So, what do we do with the spider now?" Lily asked.

James opened his mouth to respond but just then, a deep voice behind him interrupted him.

"Hey, when are the tryouts this year?" the voice said. It was Caleb

"Caleb! I thought you were going to quit?" James was quite confused.

"Nah, I was only joking, mate," Caleb said, and he slapped James on the back, hard.

For a moment, James and Lily simply stared at each other, and then, James began to smirk.

"I think this little spider needs a bed," he said, "And I know just the one.


End file.
